I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize