Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
