And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
