The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
