In the future we'll all be gay
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
