you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
