Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
