Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
