i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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