i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
