i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
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Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
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I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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