My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
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A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
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You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone