sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
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Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
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Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad