Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.