I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.