I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?