I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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