It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
