Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
