His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
