the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
