A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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