OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My pussy is not your playground.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
