I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
