This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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