Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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