dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
