this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
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I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
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If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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