On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I cannot find my penis.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
