Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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