her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
