All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
