I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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