i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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