This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
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My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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