it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
