I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
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He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
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So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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