pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
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guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
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You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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