Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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