It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
