this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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