Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
