Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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