New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
