what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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