if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
