just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
