I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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