Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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