I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
