You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
