If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
