i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
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she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
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Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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