Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just pee around me
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
