Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
