the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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