Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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