I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize