Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
